The Heart of a Curricularalist Speaks

CRAZY FOR YOU
(Madonna)

Swaying room as the music starts
Strangers making the most of the dark
Two by two their bodies become one

It’s all brand new, I’m crazy for you
And you know it’s true
I’m crazy, crazy for you

*we will find that someone who will always be in our minds.That person will be running in our heads until we go to sleep. even in our dreams, he will surely be there.

he will surely sweep us away and make our hearts go pumpin’

someday we’ll find that someone who we’ll learn how to love

i have here 3 poems…3 short poems actually. i composed it today coz i want to update my friendster profiles.

these may be short poems but they summarize how i felt for the past week. this week was a very memorable one due to some people who made good decisions but with erroneous, illogical objectives

UNANG TULA:
ayokong magalit
ayokong mapuno
ayokong mapagod
at bigla na lang mawala sa piling mo

PANGALAWANG TULA:
kaibigan kita
kaibigan kita
kaibigan kita
arrrgggghhh…ayaw niyang pumasok sa utak ko

PANGATLONG TULA:
may naiisip ako
hindi ko sasabihin
maghihiganti ako
pero kailangan ko pang planuhin
para mas matamis
pero sakdal pait

uhmmm…second part na ito. ngayon medyo nakakahinga na ako nang maluwag pero may mga bagay pa rin na nakakadepress sakin.

1. these past few days, whenever i take examinations and quizzes, lagi na lang akong nabababaan sa scores ko. well they are passing grades but the thing that depresses me is the fact that i could have done better.

2. the powerful entities that rule that planet make me sick. though we are good fellows, i hate the kind of system they are implying. but as a concerned individual, i always try my best to make things better.

3. mayroon akong isang junior member sa org ko at nauna pa siya saking magkaroon ng lovelife. nadedepress ako kasi 18 yrs old na ako pero wala pa rin akong nagiging lovelife…i mean yung tipong "to love and be loved in return". feeling ko tuloy na ang pangit ko.

ayan yung mga bagay na nakakadepress pa rin sakin hanggang ngayon. you may think some of them are nonsense but they matter a lot for me.

iba-ibang klase lang tayo ng tao kaya iba rin ang mga angst.  pasensya na…

but i still believe that life is beautiful…great things do exist.

Nung mga nakaraang araw, hindi ako naging masyadong masaya sa mga bagay na ginagawa ko. Nakakagulat dahil kung ano ang nakagisnan ko, doon pa ako natututong mapagod. hindi ko rin minsan maintindihan ang aking sarili.

i’m getting tired of the usual stuff. i’m getting stagnant with the same thing i do. it’s something i love…yet i still need a break from it.

i feel stagnant…i feel the same. i feel i’m improving but i still feel lax. i want that something ive always dreamed of doing. i wanna make up for something that was once in my hands. i wanna make an only-in-the-mind-exists creatures go to reality.

may continuation pa ito…

Look at me in this picture. I look so haggard, very tired…very dirty! This is a picture of me and Ate Suzette doing body shapes with two bodies involved.

At first, i didnt liked the idea ofhaving an acting workshop. i know, im a thespian but acting is really not my forte in theater. i would rather direct a play or do stage management.

but for the love of Teatro, I did it. No Filipino thespians would not want to experience a workshop under Jay Cruz and Soxie Topacio. Every Filipino thespian knows how good these two people are.

I admit, I really didnt invest any emotional attachment with my workshopmates because at the back of my head, i believe we’ll also forget everyone in the workshop. I said, "No deep friendships, jsut plain workshop mate realtionship. I was almost succesful until the final showcase ended.

This is a picture of my workshopmates before our finalshowcase started.

We were partying in Blue Grill Restaurant along Katipunan Road. We drank all night, celebrating the  end of the heavy intensed acting exercises and the boring rehearsals of Flores Para Los Muertos (Im sorry Sir Jay but its true). Knowing how alcohol influence the process of the mind, I saw how great my classmates were. I realized they are good people with good hearts. T

Finally, after 4 weeks of hard work and heavy acting, this is a pic after we received our certificates right after the showcase.

Then, I began to realize that they already occupied a special place in my heart, a place wherein its only them residing on it. we left Blue Grill and flew all the way to Timog to do the same thing, drink the night away. I love them, i dont know why! they are already special. And I’m hoping that Ill be seeing more of them.

there are so much events these past few days (or even months) that seem to be unforgettable for me. and im beginning to learn new lessons in life.

1. for the first time, naholdap in philcoa area. i was nervous but at the same time, very excited (ironic???). it was really a first time so i savor that moment. ang nakuha lang sakin ay 80pesos, pathetic!

2.  in just two months, i already lost 2 cellfones because of a reason that i can’t say here. nakakainis talaga and i really hate it.

3. when i was having my workshop in PETA, i didnt invest any emotional attachment with my classmates. but when the last day arrived and i finally bonded with them (i actually sneaked out to their hearts) i realized they are people with good souls. now, i already consider them as friends. i really find them nice.

4. i’m being kinda observant these past few days…and im loving it. it really help me as a thespian

5. i lost in the Teatro Tomasino elections when I ran for office. i admit i was and still a little bit bitter about it but im really trying to be in good terms with the new set of officers. but i still wish i won because i know i can serve the organization well. Hmp! bahala na nga…

6. im beginning to love reading…it feels so good to read a very good book.

7. i won the Best in Stage Management award for the past year’s GNP…but i still admit there are a lot of things to learn.

8. i’m still the SM of the 101st production of Teatro…and i’ll really gonna make it good. PROMISE!

9. i still love the man who strummed the guitar for me…how will i make him  mine? i have an idea…SLEEP!

10. im realizing how much i love my mom and how i abhor my dad

These are the few moments in my life that brings me good (and bad) mem’ries. im loving them.

wala lang gusto ko lang magshare at mag-babble! enjoy

all my life, ive been searching for someone to love me…who will accept me amidst of my imperfections. i’ve already found a dozen peeps in my life who already did it. my friends embraced me for who i am. though i’m not good enough, i know they will still accept me.

but i’ve been looking for a partner; someone who will be intimately be with me. i’m a little bit envy to some friends whenever i see them having sweet moments with somebody. i never had lover since i entered my adolescence. hey! don’t get me wrong. i’m not desperate of having some intimacy but i think it’s not wrong if you want a little romance in your tender ages.

yes! i want someone who will love me for who i  am…someone who will stand by me when blue skies turn to gray…someone who will help me face the odds and uncertainties of life…someone who enjoys hearing my laughter and my babbling…someone who’ll whisper he loves me more than his life…someone i can love.

i already loved quite a few men in my life. i gave them what i could and loved them with my all. but it seems like they enjoy seeing me cry…seeing me breakdown…seeing me hurt. due to these, i asked myself, "is there someone out there for me? am i destined to be hurt all the time?". most of the time, i felt like asking myself. so many questions of the broken heart but most of them were left unanswered.

oh well! they say that love comes in the most un expected time. maybe i don’t have to wait for it. maybe i just have to be with the flow of life. maybe in time i’ll be happy in the arms of the one i’ve been looking for. may be not not…in time!

i hate it when i do this, telling the whole world how i long to be somebody’s somebody.

i dont know how to start this blog. this is my first time to have this kind of stuff. i dont even know what to do. well i hope that the people who will have the courage to take a peak on this blog will enjoy their time.

until then guys…