The Heart of a Curricularalist Speaks

madalas, kung ano ang totoo, yung ang nakakasakit ng damdamin mo. dati hindi ko alam kung bakit…pero ngayon parang medyo nauunawaan ko na.

madalas, nangangarap tayo ng mga bagay na gusto natin. iniisip natin kung ano kaya kung ito’y nasa mga kamay natin. madalas tayong nananaginip ng mga bagay na hindi naman talaga atin. kaya nga nangangarap.

bakit masakit ang katotohanan? kasi binabalik tayo sa tunay nating kinatatayuan. binabalik tayo sa isang totoong sitwasyon kung saan wala naman ang ilang mga bagay na pinapangarap natin. binabalik tayo nito sa ating mga kamay na wala naman pala talagang mga laman.

ayoko talagang naririnig minsan ang katotohanan dahil ayokong magising sa pagkakahimbing sa isang panaginip. mas masarap ang duyan ng mga haraya kaysa sa kurot ng totoong nagaganap.

madalas ayoko ng totoo dahil mahapdi ito…nanampal.

pero anong magagawa ko? ako’y isang taong nakadikit ang paa sa katotohanan ng buhay. kailangan kong magising sa himbing ng aking pagkakatulog.

masakit ang totoo…pero kailangan mong tanggapin dahil ikaw yon. iyon ang tunay mong ginagalawan. nandun ang mga bagay na mahahawakan mo.

ang sakit ng nararamdaman ko…parang hindi ko kakayanin. pero kailangan kong tumayo at harapin ang nagmumurang katotohanan.

kaya ko to…yun ang totoo.

this will be my last heartache.

it’s time for me to leave it all behind. i have to put in mind that everything i want to be is just a pathetic illusion between me and my imagination.

i dont wanna be loser no more. i dont want to be alone in the dark. i dont wanna be left alone in the middle of the rain.

this will be my last goodbye. ill do my best not to speak his name. ill do my best to free myself. ill do my best to move on. ill do my best not to love you anymore

time is not constant; it changes itself. someday ill be happy. i know ill be.

i wanna cry…pls let me

CRAZY FOR YOU
(Madonna)

Swaying room as the music starts
Strangers making the most of the dark
Two by two their bodies become one

It’s all brand new, I’m crazy for you
And you know it’s true
I’m crazy, crazy for you

*we will find that someone who will always be in our minds.That person will be running in our heads until we go to sleep. even in our dreams, he will surely be there.

he will surely sweep us away and make our hearts go pumpin’

someday we’ll find that someone who we’ll learn how to love

i have here 3 poems…3 short poems actually. i composed it today coz i want to update my friendster profiles.

these may be short poems but they summarize how i felt for the past week. this week was a very memorable one due to some people who made good decisions but with erroneous, illogical objectives

UNANG TULA:
ayokong magalit
ayokong mapuno
ayokong mapagod
at bigla na lang mawala sa piling mo

PANGALAWANG TULA:
kaibigan kita
kaibigan kita
kaibigan kita
arrrgggghhh…ayaw niyang pumasok sa utak ko

PANGATLONG TULA:
may naiisip ako
hindi ko sasabihin
maghihiganti ako
pero kailangan ko pang planuhin
para mas matamis
pero sakdal pait

uhmmm…second part na ito. ngayon medyo nakakahinga na ako nang maluwag pero may mga bagay pa rin na nakakadepress sakin.

1. these past few days, whenever i take examinations and quizzes, lagi na lang akong nabababaan sa scores ko. well they are passing grades but the thing that depresses me is the fact that i could have done better.

2. the powerful entities that rule that planet make me sick. though we are good fellows, i hate the kind of system they are implying. but as a concerned individual, i always try my best to make things better.

3. mayroon akong isang junior member sa org ko at nauna pa siya saking magkaroon ng lovelife. nadedepress ako kasi 18 yrs old na ako pero wala pa rin akong nagiging lovelife…i mean yung tipong "to love and be loved in return". feeling ko tuloy na ang pangit ko.

ayan yung mga bagay na nakakadepress pa rin sakin hanggang ngayon. you may think some of them are nonsense but they matter a lot for me.

iba-ibang klase lang tayo ng tao kaya iba rin ang mga angst.  pasensya na…

but i still believe that life is beautiful…great things do exist.

Nung mga nakaraang araw, hindi ako naging masyadong masaya sa mga bagay na ginagawa ko. Nakakagulat dahil kung ano ang nakagisnan ko, doon pa ako natututong mapagod. hindi ko rin minsan maintindihan ang aking sarili.

i’m getting tired of the usual stuff. i’m getting stagnant with the same thing i do. it’s something i love…yet i still need a break from it.

i feel stagnant…i feel the same. i feel i’m improving but i still feel lax. i want that something ive always dreamed of doing. i wanna make up for something that was once in my hands. i wanna make an only-in-the-mind-exists creatures go to reality.

may continuation pa ito…